Reboot Court: The Evil Dead

Note: This is the first in a potential series that I pitched to a website or two a few months back, but so far, no one has bit. In the meantime, I figured I'd publish it here and perhaps even write some more in the not-too-distant future. So, without further adieu, welcome to Reboot Court, where we drag an upcoming film remake in front of the judge -- that would be me -- and determine whether or not a do-over is a good idea. Court is now in session ...

The original film: The Evil Dead (d. Sam Raimi, 1981) 

The story: A group of college students are partying it up at an isolated cabin when they accidentally resurrect a plethora of demonic spirits, which then go on a killing spree. Only one man can turn the tide: Bruce Campbell’s iconic Ashley J. Williams. Also, there’s tree rape. 

Existing permutations: Two sequels -- Evil Dead II (1987) and Army of Darkness (1992) 

Proposed new incarnation: Sounds like a reboot, though it could slip into requel territory if Campbell reprises his role as Ash. The new film is expected to be released in 2013.

Argument for: The Evil Dead and its two sequels comprise one of the cherished horror series of all time, though unlike most horror franchises spawned in the ’80s, this one never ran itself into the ground with umpteen sequels. Plus, it’s been nearly two decades (!) since Army of Darkness hit theaters, so it’s not like we’re beating a dead(ite) horse here. The earlier films were made on a shoestring budget, and it could be interesting to see what kind of craziness Raimi and company would put on screen with a bigger wad of dough. The sequels veered off into extreme horror/comedy hybrid territory, so it might be nice for the series to return to its straight-horror roots. Seeing The Chin portray Ash one more time, even in just a short cameo, would be a gift long hoped for. 

Argument against: The cabin in the woods scenario has pretty much been done to death at this point. (In fact, a flick called Cabin in the Woods, which apparently goes all meta on the concept, opens this April.) Raimi doesn’t intend to get behind the camera for the new Evil Dead, passing the reins on to Federico Alvarez, who’s only directed a few shorts (including this much-heralded one). Alvarez may make a competent feature director, but these films were distinctly Raimi’s. So if Sam is only producing and not shooting it, what’s the point? Many think the low-budget charm of the original three films only contributes to their greatness and that a bigger budget would just fuck things up. Tree rape isn’t going to fly in today’s mainstream cinema, and it’s going to be awfully hard to top it in terms of shock value. Lastly, making a new Evil Dead movie without Bruce Campbell or Ash at the center of it? Uh, yeah, good luck with that. 

The verdict: Not so groovy. A legitimate Evil Dead 4 with an aging Campbell fighting the deadites one more time could work. (Or it could be the Crystal Skull of horror, but you never know until you try.) However, a reboot with only peripheral involvement by Raimi and Campbell sounds like something the Book of the Dead should have warned about.

Bob's 2012 Movie Journal

I had a lot of fun keeping a movie journal last year, so I figure why not do it again for 2012? Every film I see for the first time this year will be logged, rated and written about. Sometimes I'll write a little; occasionally I'll write a lot. Depends on the movie. And I plan on seeing a lot of them this year. As always, ratings are based on a one-through-five-star scale with no halfsies.

1/23 Super (2010) ★★★★: What is it with the violent, girly sidekick always stealing the show in this recent rash of "real-life superhero" movies? First Chloe Moretz runs away with Kick-Ass, and now Ellen Page completely owns every single second she appears in Super. It's nearly a trend. Past that, it may not be fair to compare the two movies, as they're more similar in concept than execution. Kick-Ass comes across as just an amped-up, somewhat loopy version of a mainstream superhero film compared to Super's low-budget, ultra-violent, darkly comedic take. A harsh revenge fantasy that can be both shocking and hysterical, Super struggles to balance its various tones early on, but things start to mesh once Page's Boltgirl joins Rainn Wilson's Crimson Bolt in his quest to fight crime and save his drug-addled wife from the dealer she ran away with. Writer/director James Gunn also made the delightfully crazy Slither. That film is better than this one, but Super still helps prove that we need Gunn making more movies more often.

1/16 Paradise Lost 3: Purgatory (2011) ★★★★: The fact that Purgatory is the third film in this series yet still packed with brand-new evidence that illustrates how badly the investigation into and trial against the West Memphis Three were bungled is astounding. As they have twice before, documentary filmmakers Joe Berlinger and Bruce Sinofsky document the triple-murder case in incredible, riveting detail. They don't exactly come at the material from an unbiased angle anymore, but, honestly, how could anyone at this point?

1/13 Moneyball (2011) ★★★★: Not exactly the full truth -- I'm pretty sure the names Tim Hudson, Barry Zito and Mark Mulder are never spoken during the film -- but still a movie that's pretty much impossible for any baseball geek (which I am) not to enjoy.

1/8 The Book of Eli (2010) ★: Two hours of warmed-over post-apocalyptic cliches slathered in a dollop of hokey, faith-is-all-you-need spiritualism. And then there's a twist ending that the movie comes nowhere close to selling.

1/7 War Horse (2011) ★★★: The film is pretty and plenty well put together, but it didn't really connect with me on any kind of emotional level. Maybe it's because I'm not much of an animal person. Or maybe it's because there are no human characters worth getting attached to. I seriously couldn't tell you a single characteristic about the human lead other than he really liked his horse.

1/7 Mission: Impossible -- Ghost Protocol (2011) ★★★★★: The most fun and thrilling action movie I've seen in a good, long while. While most series are running on fumes by part four, the Mission: Impossible franchise is somehow just hitting its stride. With J.J. Abrams (who directed the very good M:I-III) still on as a producer and Pixar whiz Brad Bird making his live-action directorial debut, it seems Tom Cruise has finally found the right combination of people to unlock this property's full potential. The set pieces are amazing, including the jaw-dropper in, around and on Dubai's Burj Khalifa and a very clever prison break that opens the film. Simon Pegg is hilarious. Jeremy Renner gets to be funny, too, as well as appropriately bad-ass. The surprise cameos near the end allow this installment to warmly acknowledge the films that came before without overly relying on them. I know it's this series' M.O. to rijigger the cast and bring on a new director with each film, but I'm pretty sure no one will complain if Bird and this exact same team return for M:I-5. I certainly won't.

1/5 Green Lantern (2011) ★: It's somewhat ludicrous the things we film geeks obsess over before a film's release. With Green Lantern, all I heard about in the months leading up to the movie's release was how silly and fake the CGI suit looked. I'm sure there are pages upon pages of nervous message-board posts about it floating around the Net. As it turns out, the suit is just fine. Actually, it's better than fine. It's downright nifty. Too bad then the rest of the film is a complete and total train wreck. It's like the filmmakers took a bunch of bullet points from the comic's mythology and strung them together haphazardly without bothering to craft a functioning story. I could make a laundry list of things wrong with Green Lantern, both big and small. In fact, why don't I just go ahead and do that? Deep breath ... ready? ... here we go: Hal Jordan's character arc is murky and uninteresting; the emotional triangle linking Hal, Carol and Hector should have been more carefully set up earlier in the film in order for it to resonate more effectively later on; it's not always clear early in the movie when Hal has the ring with him and whether he's wearing it or has it stuffed in a pocket; there's a bunch of weird cross-cutting -- like between Hal taking the oath and Hector being infected -- that only serves to weaken the impact of the individual events; Hal only acts like a superhero for about 10 minutes of the movie (okay, 15 tops); there's a decided lack of money shots (when Carol throws Hal the ring near the end, I would have slowed that shit down and milked it for all it was worth); way too much time and energy is spent explaining Parallax's origin; characters enter and exit the story seemingly on a whim; etc.; etc.; and so on and so on. Green Lantern fans deserved better. Ryan Reynolds, who I like a lot and tries his best here, deserved better. Just a massive disappointment.

1/2 Machete (2010) ★★: There are sights worth seeing here -- Machete rappelling down a building using some bloke's intestines; Machete "steering" a car by twisting the blade embedded in the driver's back; Michelle Rodriguez's stomach -- but they're surrounded by so much embarrassing nonsense that the movie is ultimately not worth it. Also, Jessica Alba gives what may be the worst "let's go to war!" motivational speech in film history.

Read my Spider-Man essay for free

Smart Pop is making "Raimi vs. Bendis," a Spider-Man essay I contributed to the book Webslinger, free to read up until Wednesday Nov. 9! I wrote this piece, which compares film director Sam Raimi's take on the wallcrawler to Brian Michael Bendis's version of the character, between Spider-Man 2 and 3. (Had it come after 3, it likely would have been weighed even more strongly in Bendis's favor.)

Reviewing what's new on TV

I've spent the last month tackling some of the fall's new shows over at Guy.com. So in case you missed them, go check out my reviews of Homeland, Terra Nova, Person of Interest and Ringer. Spoiler alert: Homeland is by far the best of the bunch.

Read my Batman essay for free

"Keeping It Real in Gotham," a Batman essay I wrote for BenBella Books' Smart Pop line, is now free to read online and will continue to be until Wednesday, August 3. Go check it out as you try to calculate how many days are left until The Dark Knight Rises opens.

Photo Dump - Cape May, NJ

Spent a week in Cape May, NJ last month. Here's the photographic evidence:

Photo Dump - 5/16/11

I've been taking more and more photos lately. A few with the ol' SLR. More with my newish iPhone 4. I thought I'd start throwing some of the more interesting ones up here. (Just click on them for big versions.)

 

Opening Day at PNC Park in April.

My first favorite baseball player.

At the Carnegie Museum of Natural History.

Seen near Youngstown, Ohio. My question is: Did it fall just like this, or was it propped up after the fact?

A sign at a Wellsburg, West Virginia park and playground that I can't believe is even necessary.

Guess who's writing about TV again? Hint: It's me.

I've been hinting for a while now that I'd soon be writing about television again on a regular basis, and today "soon" finally arrived with the launch of Guy.com, a sweet new lifestyles/pop-culture site from some of the people who run net-movie-behemoth Chud.com. The plan is for me to write a new column that will go up every Monday. Each will include a Ready Your DVR sidebar pointing you to the week's most interesting TV programming.

Taylor on TV ended nearly three years ago, and it's nice to once again have an outlet to write about what I still consider the best kind of filmed storytelling: serialized television. This column won't be the same as the last one. After all, I'll be writing for a bitchin' lifestyles website, not some stodgy newspaper. Expect a wider range of topics, a renewed focus on shows outside the Nielsen top twenty, a bit more snark, a few four-letter words and instant feedback from me for those who comment on my posts.

My first two Guy.com posts are already up: a review of the new FOX cop drama The Chicago Code and a look at HBO's most exciting schedule in years. None of these columns will appear at this blog, but I'll be linking to them from my twitter feed when new ones get posted. Hopefully, you all will stop by Guy.com to check out not only my pieces, but all the excellent content my fellow writers are turning in.

If I were writing the new Superman ...

For some reason, Warner Bros. let David Goyer pen the new Superman flick instead of me. (I know, right? What's that about?) Anyway, if only I'd gotten a crack, this would be my opening ...

INT. OLD-FASHIONED MOVIE THEATER

The red velvet curtains covering the screen open up to the left and right, revealing the screen behind. Flickering onto it are black and white images of a sleek and modern version of America's greatest city. We PUSH INTO the screen, which floods with color revealing ...

EXT. METROPOLIS -- DAY

... Metropolis in all its glory. The camera SWOOPS through skyscrapers that glitter in the afternoon sun, WHIZZES by The Daily Planet topped by its giant spinning globe, then DROPS down to the streets below. Traffic and people snake in all directions. A newspaper blows by with a headline that reads, "SUPERMAN SAVES 10 FROM BURNING FACTORY." We now ZOOM IN on to the ground floor of a towering glass cathedral. A sign over the entrance reads, "METROPOLIS BIOSCIENCE." The camera RISES up the shimmering outer wall before SETTLING IN on section of the building around the 20th floor. The camera slowly PULLS BACK. A bird flies by. A few car horns HONK in the distance. All is calm. Until ...

CRASH!

A 400-pound ALIEN BEAST flies backward out of the skyscraper, sending glass shards in all directions. Clutching at air and SCREAMING in a horrible alien tongue, the beast falls to the street below, just missing a passing taxi and smashing the concrete to rubble. Smoke pours through the hole left in the skyscraper clouding what lies behind ... until a shape takes form in the haze. The shape of a man.

Superman emerges from the destruction. He flies upright with his head held high and his toes pointed downward. His hands are curled into fists. He glances down below to survey the damage. Seeing that no citizens were injured in the beast's fall, he takes steadying breath, readying himself for this battle's final round. Then, in a flash of red, he's soaring to the street below. The beast pushes itself upright and raises its spiked arms to block. Superman pulls back a fist to strike.

The two collide.

Bob's 2011 Movie Journal

Sad to say, this blog has gone untended for a couple of years now. I continue to write about poker at Three Rivers Poker. And it looks like I'll soon be writing regularly about TV again for a brand new entertainment/lifestyle site that will launch in the coming weeks. But it's been a good long while since I felt compelled to write anything significant for this site right here -- my original personal blog. I think I've found a way to fill that void.

Annoyingly, Netflix dropped its social-networking features last year, meaning I can no longer my share thoughts on recently watched movies through the site. So I've decided to do that here instead in one regularly updated post. This post. Every movie I watch for the first time in 2011 will be cataloged right here. I'll give a rating and write a few comments about each film. Most of movies on the list will end up being slightly older films I watch via Netflix, but I'll see a handful at the theater this year and I'll include them as well.

By December 31st, I should have a nice little movie journal completed. It'll largely be for myself. But for anyone who stumbles across this site, either by checking in on me or finding it through my other writing, I hope it's worth a minute or two of your time. And comments are welcome. All right, enough preamble. Let's get to the movies. All ratings are based on a one-through-five-star scale with three stars being average and no half stars.